The BoneBlog

Or maybe I just got a little out of control.

Anyway, this is the garden harvest from the past couple of days…with the exception of the quart of beans and several pieces of okra that are already in the fridge:

I’ve had to start picking the tomatoes a little green, thanks to the squirrels, and you can see I’ve got some pickling cukes on steroids over there to the right. Those jerks are stealthy and hide behind their leaves, injecting themselves with cucumber growth hormone all day. I know this because I swear those guys weren’t even there yesterday.  Dunno what I’ll do with those. Soup, maybe?

This also doesn’t show the cantaloupe I pulled today.

Maybe next year I’ll scale back a little.

Maybe not.

We don’t attend church, but the signs sure are fun.

Today we were driving home and our conversation went something like this:

Me: “Now that was a really good church sign.”

Laurel: “What did it say?”

Me: “It said, ‘Remember the little things. Someday when you look back they may be the big things.’”

Laurel: “Hmm. That’s smart.”

Ethan: “Yep! K-Mart Smart!”

Think we might be taking TV a bit too seriously around here?

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Also, it seems I neglected posting this photo here – so here is a sign from another church just down the road from us.

That satin’s a son of a bitch.

Okay, I don’t even know how to begin telling you about all the things that went wrong on our weekend camping trip. Numbered list form sounds good:

1. I left the refrigerator door ajar while packing. Nobody caught it. That meant for 3.5 hours the eggs, the hamburger meat we’d planned to have for supper, the chicken salad I’d fixed for Saturday, the sausage, the milk, AND the cheese were exposed to temperatures approaching or exceeding 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Also, the container of watermelon that Greg had cut just before leaving was lying not on the shelf in the refrigerator where I had placed it, but on the floor, with spillage. Significant spillage. If this has never happened to you, trust me when I tell you that as watermelon juice dries, it becomes very, very sticky. And did I mention the roads on the way to the campground were very windy? Oh yes, lots of good curves. Lots of opportunity for the watermelon to go skating on the linoleum.
   
2. When we got to the campground (but before discovering the spillage) Greg got to haul that big ol’ camper twice around the very uneven, unmarked, fairly tight dirt roads that were not drawn even close to scale on the campground map, looking for our site.
   
3. When we did find our site, thanks to help from a staff member, we realized the Big Honking Fifth-Wheel Next Door was encroaching on about half of it. The owners of the Big Honking Fifth-Wheel were, of course, absent.
   
4. We were able to back the trailer in, but thanks to said encroachment, our power cord wouldn’t reach our pedestal. This led to staff members golf-carting back and forth like Keystone Kops for a good twenty minutes, though my sense of time may be off – I was inside the trailer.
   
5. Cleaning up the watermelon.
   
6. The owners of the Big Honking Fifth-Wheel Next Door arrived from the river and offered to let us borrow their 30-amp extension cord so they wouldn’t have to move. I understand an extension cord has been on Greg’s Short List of Things to Buy. It is now on the Very Short List of Things to Buy.
   
7. When the owner of the Big Honking Fifth-Wheel Next Door, in offering to help us set up, attempted to plug our camper in via the extension cord, he got a shock. The campground owner went to get supplies to ground the pedestal…during which time we still did not have power, and therefore, still had no air-conditioning. Me? I was still inside cleaning up.
   
8. We had the good fortune of going to the grocery store to replace everything I’d lost. Grocery stores in Van Buren, Missouri are small and are stocked in accordance with their size. By this time we had decided we needed not one, but two packages of cookies. Cookies, you may remember from number 1, were not on our original inventory. THEY WERE NOW.
   
9. Upon returning to the camper, I pulled a 6-pack of bottled beer from the fridge and the bottom of the carton fell out. So did the bottles of beer – on my feet. Only one bottle broke. See #5. Replace the word “watermelon” with the phrase “beer and shards of glass, including some but not all of the shards in my feet.”
   
10. The next morning, Laurel stepped out of the camper to greet the day. As she was returning, she touched the door handle and was shocked. Oh good, electrical current running through the camper. Greg estimated it at about 40 V. “From experience,” he estimates this. Nice. Fed up, I hopped in the truck even before brushing my teeth (yum!) but after drinking coffee (even more yum!) and went to complain soundly to the lady in the office. There are few things I hate worse than being shocked, and I was not about to run the risk of it happening again. 
    
11. The owners offered to move us from a water/electric site to a full hook-up site. The only one available, naturally, was right next to the office. The office, folks, is where all the traffic goes by. Do you know what kind of traffic you have at a campground set squarely on the Current River? Drunk traffic, that’s what kind. But what were we to do? We loaded up, packed up, and moved.
    
12. Immediately upon hookup at the new site, we had sewer gas backing up into our trailer. No p-trap, yay! Our very own air-rottener. Greg fashioned a p-trap with our sewer hose and it helped eventually, but we were driven from the confines of our camper for awhile.
    
13. That same day we went on our float. Within approximately 10 minutes of pushing off, we capsized and lost all our beer, all the kids’ drinks, and some of the floatation. We paddled faster and caught up with a couple of beers and a couple of the kids’ drinks, so all was not lost.

Go figure. 13 things went awry. That’s nearly enough to make one superstitious, right?

Don’t worry (you were worrying, right? No? Well fine, then). Not all was bad. On to the good things:

1. The owners felt truly awful about all our troubles, so they gave us a) an upgrade to the kids’ wristbands so they could play all the mini-golf they liked; b) gem mining bags for the kids; c) 2 free nights at the campground, and d) a dozen free-range eggs.
   
2. Laurel got to play Scrabble with the owners’ son, who is in college this year and is so into Scrabble he prints out lists of words to study. Also playing was the owner’s sister, who told the son he’d finally met his match in Laurel.
   
3. We were right next to the office, yes, with the drunk traffic, yes, but that was also where all the action happened for the kids. Laurel and Ethan got to participate in games including the sundae relay at 10 a.m. They also got to go to the playground whenever they liked, pan for gems, and go on “hey-rides.”
   
4. Being next to the office like that meant we had the best people-watching available in the campground. We sat out in our chairs and watched people for quite some time.
   
5. The other people on the river the day we floated were tame, so the kids weren’t exposed to the worst of humanity (though I had fully prepared them to see men peeing off boats and tubes). I taught both of them how to steer a canoe.
   
6. We went to the local burger and ice cream shack, where we inhaled loose meat burgers, fries, and vanilla shakes.
   
7. We ate both bags of cookies. Almost. We finished them the night we got home.
   
8. The weather. It was hot, but it was perfect. It really was...until we were on our way back and we drove into a line of very windy thunderstorms that made pulling the trailer interesting, to say the least.

So there you have it. Yes, maybe there were only 8 good things compared to the 13 bad, but you know…those 8 in the aggregate ended up being a whole lot bigger than the 13.

After all, nobody ever says, “Hey, remember that time we had that perfect vacation?” Stories like these are the kind that get cemented in the memory and told for years to come.

A couple of photos:

Sorry. We were too busy dodging mishaps (not very well, I might add) to take many photos. We might have more later when we have the waterproof throw-away camera developed.

No, really. We did. What, just because I didn’t WRITE something about it all of a sudden we’re not patriots?

This year we were actually more patriotic than most…depending on the definition. We actually attended the VP Parade on July 3rd. See? Here’s proof! In no particular order except that which is stored in my machine’s folders…and you know the drill: Scroll over for the caption.

 

Okay, that last one? Those were paper punches they were spraying. Seriously, I’m almost positive there are still paper punches in my purse. There may still be some in my hair. What is this, the 11th? Oh, no, I’ve washed since then.

So then the next day we had our usual Take-Full-Advantage-of-Blowing-Things-Up-Because-It’s-Jefferson-County-and-What-Other-Advantage-Have-We-Got festival.

      

Well. It really doesn’t get much better. Happy belated Independence Day, everyone.

So tonight, on a whim, Greg and I went to Roller Derby. I used to watch Roller Derby every Sunday night when it was on while I was growing up. And this is what transpired:

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Michelle:  Ooooh, looky at those cheerleaders. I wonder what it takes to be one of those cheerleaders?

Greg:  Well...I don’t think they set the bar very high.

Michelle: Dare me to go down there and pick up some pom-poms?

Greg: Uh, no.

Michelle: Ready?! O.K.! [pose]

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Bartender 1:  [unintelligible, but shouting from across the bar, then] You weren’t here doing your job!!

Bartender 2: Oh, yeah?! Well, I’m here now, so what do you want? Huh? What????!!!!

Greg:  Um, ahem, did you say you were going to give me back my credit card now?

Bartender 2: Oh. Yeah. Sorry.

Michelle, to Bartender 2: You should totally kick that guy’s ass.

__________________________________

Greg:  Oh, man…this is boy roller derby. What’s up with that?

Michelle: Why do you think I brought you here? heh.

Greg:  I want to watch girls beat each other up. If I wanted to watch boys beat each other up, I’d have stayed at the bar.

_________________________________

Greg:  Oh look, now it’s girl roller derby!

Michelle: You know, I think I’m kind of built for roller derby.

Greg:  I think you’re built better than most girls for roller derby.

Michelle: [the look] Most girls, huh?

Greg:  I mean, you know what I mean. That came out wrong.

 

 

Was all this worth the $20 and several rounds of circle-the-parking-lot-for-a-space?

 

You betcha.

ARNOLD, MO – The family awoke in Kentucky at 6 a.m. raring to go. Remember, they had packed up everything possible the night before.

After hitching up, our travelers made a brief visit to the dump station.

“Hehehe,” Michelle snickered. “’Brief?’ Hey reporter, Greg’s giving you the stink-eye!”

It’s true, he was, for as it was Greg’s solemn vow to handle the dumping of the black tanks, it was Greg who had the pleasure of dealing with the clog. Yes, the clog.

“Yeah, so uh, after he wrassled around with the sewage hose and all for about 40 minutes, we actually left the campground at 7:30,” said Michelle.

Nevertheless, the family made it home before lunch. Sort of.

Michelle reports, “I was running out of snacks for Ethan. Let’s just leave it at that,”

Once home, after wearily dragging themselves inside, Greg looked out back and said, “Uh, Michelle, have you seen your garden?”

Now, mind you, Michelle has been worried about the fate of her garden during her absence.

“Yeah,” Greg said, “I think she’s mentioned that to me every single day of the trip. No, really. Every single day.”

“We put a LOT of work into that garden this year,” Michelle protested, “so in my defense, I think my concern was justified. Besides, I’m convinced our neighbor has been planting Johnson grass in there during previous vacations. Aside from that, between the work for the raised beds, the detailed garden journal, the extra care to plan everything out…if I lost that garden, why, it’d spell disaster for me. Failure. So when Greg asked if I’d seen the garden, I didn’t know if it was good or bad.”

So, panic-stricken, she looked.

And, after a little cleaning up, supporting of the tomatoes, collecting the ripened tomatoes, etc., here is what Michelle saw:

“We are all grateful for that, I assure you,” observed Greg. “If she had seen what she’s seen in previous years, we’d have all had hell to pay.”

And now, a note:

Thanks to everyone who looked after our place for us while we were gone. It’s so nice to come home to a place that doesn’t require a ridiculous amount of work just to make it habitable again.

Total trip mileage: 3,035.0
MPG: 12.92

KENTUCKY – The Family arrived the evening of Day Thirteen at Grayson Lake State Park in Kentucky.

“Nothing much to say about it,” observed Michelle, “except this: why is it that Virginia and Kentucky don’t allow the public use or display of alcohol, when they are well known for their cigarettes and bourbon?”

Good question.

On Day Fourteen they awoke and promptly went to the nearest Shoney’s for breakfast. Yes, our chain-avoiding family has a weakness for Shoney’s.

“What can we say?” asked Greg, “We like the breakfast bar every few months. It’s a matter of nostalgia for both of us.”

So they pigged out accordingly and drove the rest of the day, arriving at Nolin Lake State Park near Mammoth Cave that evening.

“Still in Kentucky,” observed Greg. “Still no public use or display of alcohol. But we have lots of red cups.”

Shh. Don’t tell anyone.

The Family ended up here out of a desire to see Mammoth Cave National Park. On Day Fifteen, they did precisely that.

“Okay, so first we go up to the Visitor Center and it’s under construction, so if you wanted to see exhibits and history and such (which we did, that’s how we roll), you were shit out of luck,” said Michelle.

“And then before we could go on a cave tour we had to soak our shoes to avoid tracking white nose syndrome around in the cave because OF COURSE we have been in a cave within the last five years, we’re from MISSOURI,” added Greg.

Then Michelle commented, “Yes, so we sat there with our feet in plastic containers full of Lysol solution feeling the way it feels when a cop pulls you over and you’re sitting there, embarrassed, while everyone drives by gawking.”

“Oh, you know that feeling well, do you?” inquired Greg.

“Heh. Not nearly as well as you do,” retorted Michelle. Then she continued, “What was surprising to me was that more people weren’t doing it. Surely of the hundred or so people on our tour, there were more than about eight who’d been in a cave in the last five years. Huh. Guess the rules don’t apply to them,”

Our Family, however, is fond of bats, so they happily soaked their  shoes.

So how was it?

“Well…” Michelle hesitated. “Listen, the guides were very nice, and all…”

“Yeah, but we were pretty disappointed,” Greg said. “Outside of the sheer magnitude of Mammoth Cave, there were hardly any cool formations. The best part of the trip was probably the ferry across the Green River.”

Dejected, the Family returned to camp.

“You know, if you’d never seen a cave before, you’d be really impressed,” said Michelle. In fact, that evening at the campground she told another family just that – they were from Detroit and sure enough, had never seen a cave. “Oh, then you’ll probably have a fantastic time,” Michelle assured them. “It’s just that, well, the ocean is a big deal but if you lived by the ocean, it wouldn’t be. Y’know? That’s how most caves are to Missourians.”

“I felt kind of guilty for not viewing Mammoth Cave as the treasured resource it is rumored to be,” Michelle said.

Fortunately, they didn’t feel like spoiled asses for long.

“Another family in the campground asked us how we liked it. We hesitated, but went ahead and expressed our disappointment. Go figure, they said they, too, were let down.”

After that disappointment, Michelle and Greg were eager to get home. At an impromptu Family meeting, Parents floated the possibility of leaving that afternoon. Naturally, the Kids protested. After much deliberation (decisions do not come easily to These People), they decided  they might as well just go ahead and stay. The Kids were desperate to swim, so the Parents reluctantly obliged.

“Yeah, I got in that lake and after the second crawdad skittered across my foot – and the first one pinched me, mind you – I’d had enough,” Michelle said.

So she sat on the bank and read a book while Greg and the kids frolicked in the lake.

“Frolicked, my ass,” Greg grumbled. “I was ready to leave as soon as we got here.”

Even so, after pulling the kids out of the lake and eating dinner, they made the best of it.

And for the Family, that can mean only one thing. Ice cream!

 

“The funniest thing to happen there, aside from the proprietor’s inability to spell ‘cheese,’ was the telephone call she made just after the ambulance went by with lights and sirens.”

That conversation went something like this:

Proprietor: Where’s the ambulance goin’?

[pause]

Proprietor: Still breathin’?

[pause]

Proprietor: Okay. See you later.

Greg and Michelle exchanged a knowing look (they do this a lot, by the way). They know how small towns operate. They knew they’d soon have the entire story without needing to ask. Sure enough, the proprietor – who, by the way, was VERY nice – couldn’t resist filling them in.

“My husband’s the fire chief,” she said. “A person with a kidney transplant was found unconscious, but still breathing.”

The Family finished their cones (mostly – Ethan finished Michelle’s) and made their merry way back to camp, where they packed up every single little thing they could in order to effect a hasty exit the next day.

“We’re ready for home,” Michelle said. “We’re just ready.”

VIRGINIA, THROUGH WEST VIRGINIA and into KENTUCKY – Not much to report these days. Before leaving Chippokes, Michelle and the kids went to a nearby farm and picked blueberries and corn to take with them while Greg got the camper ready to pull out.

Then they drove. A lot.

But that evening they ate steak! And corn! And had a nice campsite!

“Yes…” Greg said, “And right after we arrived at that nice campsite, along came a park naturalist with a stuffed owl, who was advertising their programs to Laurel…”

“…and we felt sorry for her,” Michelle continued, “the naturalist, not Laurel -- because she really didn’t know what she was walking into here.”

See, Laurel knows about owls. The kid knows a lot about owls. You could say she’s just a LITTLE obsessed with birds of prey in general. So as the naturalist quizzed Laurel, the naturalist herself learned a lot. Really. A lot.

“But the coolest thing about her,” Michelle noted later, “was that she was OPEN to learning a lot. She said several times that she was learning so much from Laurel that Laurel should come give the program. And you know what else? When she didn’t know the answer to something, she ADMITTED IT, which is more than most people are willing to do. That was awesome.”

That evening, Michelle put the kids to work shucking the corn…willingly.

“Yeah, that’s a little ambiguous,” Michelle critiqued. “Make a note that Michelle is always willing to put the kids to work. What you mean is that the kids were willing to shuck corn.”

Meanwhile, Greg cooked up the steaks and they had a very nice meal. The flies weren’t even too bad.

“For once,” Greg grumbled.

Day Thirteen involved more driving. Lots more driving. That is, in fact, pretty much all the Family did. Just after entering West Virginia, they stopped to eat leftovers from B’s Barbecue back in North Carolina.

“It’s far more tolerable to eat in a tin can in a parking lot at 75 degrees than it is at 95 degrees,” Michelle observed. “Of course, it helps when the food is so good.”

After lunch the Family resignedly drove back to the interstate. But wait! The monotony was about to be broken!

One mile east of the St. Alban’s exit on I-64, the Family was driving along when all of a sudden…

BANG!!!

Note: Sorry, readers, we don’t have audio here. Imagine the sound of a rock being thrown into a metal trash can.

“What the fuck was that??!!” Greg exclaimed.

Wide-eyed, Michelle responded, “Ohmygod, I don’t have any idea,”

So they pulled off to the side of the interstate (“which gives me the serious heebie-jeebies,” Michelle noted) and inspected the camper, Michelle cringing the whole time, certain someone would plow into them. Unable to find the cause of the noise, they climbed back in the cab of the truck, puzzled, but then Michelle looked in the rearview mirror.

“I see it!” she gasped.

And there it was.

See, just before the BANG!, Michelle and Greg saw a mower doing some tree trimming along the side of the interstate. And sure enough, it was just as they passed that the BANG! occurred. They’d kicked something up right as the Family had driven by and damaged the camper.

Well, seeing as Michelle is not one to enjoy hanging out by the side of an interstate, they pulled back into traffic while debating their next move.

“I didn’t know that they’d do anything about it,” Michelle said, “but I figured it was worth a try, so Greg pulled off at the rest area just up the road and I started making phone calls.

“First,” she reported, “I called the West Virginia Division of Highways and spoke with Lisa, who was SO AWESOME. I explained the situation and she told me precisely what to do. Trouble is, when I called the number she gave me, they gave me another number, and the people there gave me another number. It’s good to know that Missouri state government and West Virginia state government operate in much the same manner. It’s also good that I’m so stubborn and persistent.”

“Well, maybe in this situation,” said Greg.

“Just what are you trying to say, smart guy?” asked Michelle.

“Oh, nothing. Nothing,” Greg responded.

“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought. Anyway,” she continued, “only once did I get mad enough at the person on the other end to let my meanness show.”

That conversation went something like this:

Operator:  [some unintelligible greeting]

Michelle:  [explained situation for third time]

Operator: [impatiently sighhhhhhing because she can’t believe she has to deal with these Missouri Morons] Well, ma’am, you need to contact YOUR insurance company.

Michelle:  No, I don’t believe I do. See, the State of West Virginia dented my camper, and I think I’ll be filing my claim with the State of West Virginia so the State of West Virginia can pay for it.

Operator: [taken aback] Um, okay, um, well, here’s the number for the people who are mowing out there.

“I’m sure she fully expected me to just roll over. Typical. Anyway, so finally,” said Michelle, “I got the number and called that place and lo, it was the RIGHT number, so that redeemed her in my eyes a little. And these guys were so nice about the whole thing. The equipment supervisor apologized that he was 20 minutes away but said he’d come up there, and he sure did, along with some fella with a personality uncannily similar to Larry the Cable Guy.

“Seriously, it was uncanny. And he had come along ‘just for the ride,’ which made me miss working for state park maintenance. That’s what we’d have done, too.

“Anyway, so they took our information and were so very nice about it, apologized all over themselves for the situation, and told us that it being Wednesday they’d probably get at least two more calls that week for the same thing. They said we’d hear from the claims company the next week, and we were on our way.”

So how does Michelle really feel about the situation?

“They caught me on a good day. I figure if that’s the worst thing to happen to us on this vacation, then it was a very, very good vacation.”

COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG, VA – First thing this morning, at Michelle’s insistence, the Family rushed to get to the ferry across the James River again. And lo, they got on that ferry just when Michelle wanted to get on the ferry.

“Trust me,” Greg whispered, “That is a very good thing.”

Immediately upon arrival, the Family went to story time for Ethan.

“You should note,” remarked Greg, “That we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE TOWN for that because Michelle had all of us get off the bus at the wrong stop.”

“He LOVES story time back home,” Michelle noted, ignoring the barb, “so I knew he would like this!”

Little did she know that the woman telling the story was about the slowest, most mundane storyteller ever, and that there would be a horse in close proximity.

To his credit, however, Ethan sat through the longer-than-necessary story rather patiently before asking to go pet the horse.

 

The awesome behavior was not long for the keeping, however, because immediately after leaving that area the kids found some colonial toys. Ethan, in particular, delighted in finding alternate uses for the toys.

“I’m so proud,” Michelle remarked.

Moving along, the family visited the Magazine (with original guns), and then stopped so the kids could play stickball on the green.

Turns out, they wouldn’t have been stickball stars in colonial times, but that’s okay.

At that point, the Family split up. Laurel had a little appointment with the Scherenschnitte class. “It was a bust, it was SO EASY, it wasn’t at all what I’d hoped,” she lamented.

“You should note,” remarked Greg, “that we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN AGAIN for that.”

Meanwhile, Michelle and Ethan journeyed over to the public gaol.

“Who knew he would love that so much?” Michelle asked. “We heard a fascinating talk about Blackbeard’s men as prisoners there, about how  the jailer earned his money, etc., and then we got to visit the building itself where Ethan tried really hard to embarrass me by pretending he was using the cell toilets.”

So what did Michelle do?

“What would any parent do? I locked him in the cell,” she replied.

Afterward, Michelle and Ethan went to pick up Greg and the very disappointed Laurel.

“Yeah, Ethan and I took the shuttle,” whispered Michelle. “We don’t walk all the way across town when shuttles are available. Duh.”

And then they spent $37+ on some sandwiches.

“UGH, I don’t even want to talk about it,” said Michelle.

The day took an interesting turn when they visited the Public Hospital (ahem, Asylum).

“It was so disturbing, so sad, I can’t even imagine,” Michelle noted, “but it was also very interesting…reminded me of home. And paying $37 for sandwiches.”

After the hospital, the Family needed cheering, so they went   over to the courthouse where they heard lots of stories about colonial life, then got the obligatory photo of the kids in the pillory.

“Hm, yeah, that did cheer me up. Maybe we should have left them,” Michelle joked.

“Wait, who said I was joking?” she added.

It was almost time for dinner, but not before visiting the Capitol Building, where George Washington and Thomas Jefferson spent time, where felony court proceedings took place.

Before long, it was time for dinner.

“It was easier than we imagined to spend an entire day in Williamsburg,” Michelle noted. “We didn’t see nearly everything we could have seen, and we had fun touring taverns and learning so much about colonial life that you can’t find in the textbooks. But we were hungry, so we went to the Kings Arm’s Tavern and had a DECENT MEAL in a FUN ATMOSPHERE.”

The evening wasn’t over yet, for the shows had yet to begin.The Family had tickets to separate shows. After deciding Ethan would behave better for Michelle, they split.

“Oh wow,” Michelle gushed, “The vaudeville show was SO FUNNY. Seriously. And Ethan was laughing so hard he was drawing attention to us and people were remarking on it after the show…which of course embarrassed him so he gave them a sour look whenever they spoke to him. Still, it was great, and then we left and Ethan was saying, ‘Mom, wow, is this what it looks like when it’s dark outside?’ because he doesn’t see the dark that much in the summer, and he was laughing about the horse manure in the road and saying things like, ‘I’m gonna eat those road apples!!’ and we just had a great time.”

That great time was cut short when they returned to the Visitor Center to meet up with Laurel and Greg.

“I asked Greg how his show was and it was just okay,” lamented Michelle. “That sucked. I didn’t want to tell him how fun our show was. I really wish I’d known, then I’d have bought tickets for everyone to go to the vaudeville thing. On the other hand, he thought he was getting the better end of the deal by sticking me with Ethan…who is four, and was tired. So maybe he got what he deserved.”

“Why are you giving me so much hell today?” asked Greg.

“Remember that little jab at the beginning of this post about me having everyone get off at the wrong stop?” responded Michelle.

So what is the final verdict on Colonial Williamsburg?

“Oh, I’d like to go again,” said Michelle.

“Yeah, me too,” seconded Greg, “but we’d probably attend different programs more appealing to us if we didn’t have the kids with us.”

“And we’d probably make use of the shuttles,” added Michelle.

Then they had to rush to make the 9:30 p.m. ferry. Did they make it?

“It was close,” Greg said, “but yes, we made it. And that’s a very good thing because not one of us would have wanted to wait another hour for the next one. So we made it on, and then the guy in the beater in front of us couldn’t start his truck to get off the ferry.”

“Poor guy,” Michelle observed. “Look, I’ve driven a few beaters around, so I know he had to be hating life. There he was, Saturday night, stuck on a ferry and he can’t start his truck so he’s holding us up…how embarrassing. So we waited for everyone else to leave so we could back up and leave the ferry ourselves. Sure hope he got that rig started.”

So, exhausted, our Family returned to camp and promptly drifted off to sleep.

“Well, yeah, THEY promptly drifted,” said Greg.

And that, friends, was Day Eleven.

JAMESTOWN, VA – Day Ten dawned sunny and hot again.

“Yes. Hot. Again!” Michelle echoed.

Our Family awoke and scurried off to catch the ferry to Jamestown. They figured the earlier, the better.

“Could you maybe not say we ‘scurried?’” interjected Greg. “That sounds…I don’t know…like something I wouldn’t do.”

“Okay, so it was hot before getting on the ferry,” Greg said, “but then you got on the ferry and it was even hotter because of course you had to shut off your engines. Whee. And the heat index was expected to easily – EASILY – top 100.”

And so it did.

But the whole group had fun at Jamestown.

“Weak,” Michelle pronounced.

“What do you mean, ‘weak?’” Greg asked.

“Those photos. They’re weak. We couldn’t take photos in the Jamestown visitor center, which is where all the cool stuff is.”

“Anyway, we did have fun, it’s true, even though we maybe rushed it a little,” Michelle continued. “I got on the first replica ship and it was so friggin’ hot that as soon as we got off we just left. We figured we’d seen about all there was to see. It was interesting, VERY interesting, don’t get me wrong… it’s just that we were more interested in celebrating Father’s Day with Greg at a tavern in town.”

So after they left, they went and got all turned around trying to find the Green Leafe. But once they found it, they had a great meal.

“Yeah, they were out of steak and I REALLY wanted that steak salad with the blue cheese,” said Michelle, “but I ended up with a burger which was okay, and fries which are hard to ruin. Plus, the beer was cold and plentiful, the kids had fun with their meal, the server was on her game, and hi, it was air-conditioned. So you know, the burger started tasting even better. Hooray!”

After their return to camp, the Family rode their bikes to the park pool.

“Have we mentioned that every day, all day long, Ethan wears his helmet and announces he will be riding his bike? That he asks over and over if someone will go on a bike ride? That he doesn’t take no for an answer?” Michelle asked. “That kid, I swear…”

Greg reported, “We were at the pool for probably 20-30 minutes before a rumble of thunder forced everyone to evacuate the pool for 15 minutes. Because we know that where we go, so too goes thunder, we knew that was probably it for the night. So we went back to camp while the kids acted like it was The Most Disappointing Thing That Had Ever Occurred. Yeah. Best part of the day.”

But that night, something really magical happened.

Ethan caught his very first lightning bug.

He and Laurel promptly squirreled it away in a clamshell container along with several others so they could “sleep with them.”

“My reaction to that little venture would surprise nobody,” Michelle said.

And of course, thanks to his infatuation with these newfound bunkmates, it was a fight to get him to bed that night.

“We were going to have a LONG, long, longlonglong day the next day,” Michelle explained. “I’ve been around him long enough to know that not enough sleep plus a long day spells disaster all around, and I was sick of the bickering and the fighting and the brouhaha that goes along with being stuck in close quarters with not enough sleep and heat. So there.”

And with that, she marched into the camper and that was that for the day.