The BoneBlog

It's happening again.

Every year, without parental knowledge or consent, schools across the country set out on a mission to 'educate' our children about drugs and alcohol. 

Dare to Keep Kids off D.A.R.E. →

...

Co-Conspirators. →

Have a toddler who wants a cushy ride after a hard day of toddling? Ethan & Co. has your solution!

Ethan & Co. →

2 snow days + 1 toddler + 1 cranky girl + 2 cabin fever-afflicted parents = ThankgodtomorrowisMonday. To Sam, Jess, and boys: We had a great time Saturday night, thanks for providing much-needed respite from housebound monotony. In a final act of desperation after too much time cooped up, we took Ethan...

Simple Math & Weekendery. →

Box Boat Rides!...

The Best Thing about a Big Sister. →

Ethan managed to go in the potty on Tuesday evening. He earned a sticker and was so proud of himself: His upper lip is so chapped -- we're working on it. It's improving, but he sucks on it when he has a cold....

Potty Milestone. →

We've got ice on the ground today -- enough ice that even Laurel's school called off (which is rare, I understand). I woke up this morning to go work out, made it as far as the driveway and realized groceries would take priority so I went to the grocery store instead. It was already getting pretty icky...

Ice, Ice, Baby. →

Laurel finally completed her science fair project tonight, when she was down to the last minute. We've hounded her for months to get it done but she waited and put it off until her sense of urgency finally kicked in, oh, last week sometime. Her project is a portfolio about Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy...

Science Fair Extraordinaire. →

"I couldn't fit it all in my brain.  It's only a 700 Megabyte Brain."

I decided to use up some leftover chicken by making chicken and noodles, a family favorite. Ethan has started getting into the act by helping me whenever he can, pouring this and that into the mix and helping to stir. This time, he insisted he be allowed to use the rolling pin. Ignoring the inherent...

Chef Ethan. →

Laurel had the class guinea pigs again last weekend. Wow, those things can get pretty foul pretty quickly. They love nothing better than using a freshly mopped floor as a toilet. Laurel had to scrub their cage, so she deposited the girls in their play ball for safekeeping. I was tasked with watching...

Guinea Pigs Strike Again! →

As is often the case with nerdly parents like us, we decided to take Laurel to Springfield, Illinois for Presidents Day for Lincoln immersion. We only stayed one night but had a great time and are nearly Lincolned out. Ethan stayed home with Grandma Smith because, well, he's two -- which means he is...

A Presidential Weekend. →

[flush] [5 full minutes pass on a morning when we're trying to get out the door in a hurry] [door opens, Laurel emerges] Me: "Laurel, seriously, what took you so long after flushing?" Laurel: "I was washing my hands." Me: "For ever?!" Laurel: [scorn] Me: "No, really, what were you doing while washing...

This is What We Endure. →

Tonight I attended substitute teacher orientation, which was fascinating not because of the subject matter but because of my fellow attendees. For the purpose of serving the public good, I have developed a list of commandments for those applying to be and attending employment orientation for substitute...

Substitute Teacher Orientation, a Spectator Sport. →

The only thing worse than calling the Social Security Administration . . .

. . . is calling the Internal Revenue Service.

And I'm doing both today.  Hot dog!

I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you manage to keep so many people happy. I like that we don't make a huge deal over Valentine's Day. Many husbands show up at the last minute one day each year with a wilted rose, a box of crummy chocolates, and a four-dollar card, but not you. You do it up...

To My Husband, on Valentine's Day. →

Greg and I recently had occasion to ask E*Trade for a simple account change. I'm not sure what kind of knuckle-draggers are working there. Hell, I faxed them my letter, my driver license, my SSN, my DOB, and my firstborn. What's the problem? This reminds me of the hassle we had with U.S. Bank several...

Girl, You Have No Faith in Financial Institutions. →

I was so proud of myself. Both my kids were good sleepers and I thought it was one thing I'd done right. Neither of them woke during the night after 6 months of age or gave me any problems going to sleep. I fully credited the Ferber method of training children for sleeping through the night and the fact...

Wanted: Bedtime Books. →

goo-goo-g'joob: (cheese stick + breadstick)...

I Am the Walrus. →

Ethan has started counting. He lines up his toy cars (many of which were recently acquired from Katy & Son, Inc. (thanks, he loves them!)) and counts them up. He has yet to come up with the same result twice, but hey -- that hasn't stopped a lot of corporate accountants, right? Observe:...

He's no CPA. →

"Some ants have slaves.  Apparently they didn't get Lincoln's memo."

I discovered that even Anheuser-Busch , one of the largest brewers in the world, cannot find good proofreaders who know when to leave out the apostrophe: Greg thinks I ought to call or e-mail them and let them know about this. This is pretty bad. "Recycler's," I mean, c'mon....

What I Did During the Superbowl. →

Step 1: Gather your supplies. Step 2: Commence polishing....

How to Make Your Bicycle Shine in Two Easy Steps. →

We got Lots of Snow on Friday. Two things I learned when we got Lots of Snow: People who drive Jaguars should not think that by paying a Whole Lot of Money for their car, they have bought infallibility to match their ego. This means you, Mr. Jaguar Driver who had no business even trying to make it up...

Snow! Lots of Snow! →

One year ago last weekend we went eagle-watching . We went again this year on the same weekend, but took Ethan with us. I wouldn't recommend it. The Ethan part, I mean. He's at the age where he cannot sit still for even a moment, which means Greg has to carry him everywhere, lest he throw himself over...

The Eagles are Back. →