The BoneBlog

Dear Sirs:

Last week you sent some college-aged kids door-to-door around our neighborhood hawking U-verse. I told them that was great, my husband had hoped you’d come to our neighborhood, they should come back after I’d had a chance to discuss it with him.

They returned during the dinner hour. My husband left his meal and went to the door to spend at least 20 minutes signing up for U-verse. Eventually we signed up for a package that was slightly more than what we pay now for internet and TV service, but offered a couple of bells and whistles we don’t currently have.

Two days later, we received a call from AT&T informing us that U-verse was unavailable in our area – even though your door-to-door representatives HAD A LIST OF NAMES of residents they were SUPPOSED TO CONTACT in order to inform us U-verse was available.

The next day, my husband checked your website; upon entering our address, it said that U-verse was, indeed, available. He called your representatives, and after several long minutes on the telephone, she informed him that yes, it was available.

And that it would cost more than the door-to-door representative said it would.

AT&T, you can go kick rocks. You wasted at least an hour of our time (some of which was during the dinner hour) and effort in order to misquote prices and give us the general run-around.

We’ll be sticking with Charter and Dish Network, whose prices are substantially less than yours for the same service.

And by the way, it was your piss-poor service five years ago that led us to abandon you and go with Vonage for our telephone service. We saved substantial amounts of money and aggravation because your knuckle-dragging, chuckleheaded idiot customer service representatives and techs couldn’t find our house on the computer and couldn’t read a map well enough to physically get your asses out here.

Love,

Michelle

RE: The open letter to AT&T

Dear Ms. Michelle,

My name is Dufus Dumass (pronouced doo' mass, not dum ass like my office staff seems to think) I am the President and Intelligent Extraordinare Head Honcho of the AT&T U-verse systems coridinator here in Ywherethefuck India, I have been asked to respond to your letter as a part of our customer service policy.

First I would like to addreess the issue with the college student representatives who came to your door at your supping hour, our training is focused on the interception of potential customers at their most vulnerable time, hence we train our people to target their victums, err, customers at the time when they are most likely to be comfortably enjoying the end of the day with their families and most likely to be off guard.

Secondly, the call center incident, which is located in Singapore Malaysia, (well, we say it is in Singapore, but really is is located in a small 're-education camp" in the jungles of Thailand) is slow to recieve current and updated information as to our services, mostly because the personel there sometimes are uhh,,, well, they dont have a long term commitment to their jobs due to the intensity of their re-education program and the life expectancy of our staff is, sadly, not that long. Therefore, I feel that they did the best they could with providing you with outdated and incorrect information about the services provided in your area.

Thirdly; About the hidden costs, well, that is to be expected, after all, my salary of $4.2 million dollars (American) a year for sitting on my ass and attending meetings of which produce nothing of relavance has to come from the gullible public of which we view with the utmost contempt. And ufortunately, the yacht I recently ordered ran into cost overruns for the jacuzzi and bowling ally, unforseen expensences you see, So, I am sure you understand.

In closing, I thank you for your continued support of the wonderful powerful entity that is AT&T, I hope you enjoy your U-verse system, We here at AT&T thank you for you comments and be assured, this will happen again whenever anyone calls for customer service.

Sincerely, Dufus Dumass, AT&T

I think SOMEBODY has been reading the ONION (I'm looking at you, James)!

ha!ha! yee!yee!yee!

Mack has been a U-Verse Tech for the past 2 years now. I will NEVER allow U-Verse in my house. Furthermore, if for whatever reason he leaves/loses his job, I will pull every frackin' AT&T service out of my house. You just wouldn't believe how bad these people are treated which, I might add, lends itself to an extremely substandard installation job when the system is finally installed... installation can take over 8 hours in many cases. Mack is always in trouble because he refuses to just throw the system into someone's home just to get the job off his plate. However, many of the Techs do exactly that and it requires multiple return visits to get it working like it should have in the FIRST fucking place....had the job been done right the FIRST time. AT&T sucks..... okay... I feel better now.