The BoneBlog

Tonight I attended substitute teacher orientation, which was fascinating not because of the subject matter but because of my fellow attendees.  For the purpose of serving the public good, I have developed a list of commandments for those applying to be and attending employment orientation for substitute teachers.

1. Thou shalt not wear jeans.  I sat across from Michael Stipe (complete with one of those earrings that makes a big hole in the ear) and an uber-casual Jim Halpert, both of whom were wearing raggedy, ill-fitting jeans to what was in effect a job interview -- albeit a cattle-call-esque one (which is the norm for substitute teachers).  They weren't the only ones, but they stuck out the most.  Folks, do not wear jeans to an orientation when you know jeans are not acceptable in the classroom.  Sigh.
   
2. Thou shalt not ask if ye shall be expected to undergo drug testing.  This should be obvious.  Could there be a bigger giveaway than asking that question of an assistant superintendent?  You must be deranged.  Please do not sub in my child's classroom.
   
3. Thou shalt not ask if thy DUI (to which ye pled guilty last year) should be reported on thy sheet of criminal history.  Take extraordinary care not to ask this if you already violated commandment #2, which you just did. 

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