Ding! Round Two.
If you're a teacher, this will probably not be a popular post with you.
I've had a couple of talks with teachers recently about my kids and their behavior. Frankly, I'm getting fed up with the seeming inability for adults to be, well, ADULTS and take charge. Are my kids a challenge? You betcha. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. What it means to me is that they question authority and march to the beat of their own drum. They're nonconformists, and I value nonconformity. Will that cause them problems in the lockstep, corporate world? Yeah, most likely. Will they want to BE part of the lockstep, corporate world? Maybe not.
And that's okay.
Meanwhile, I'm having these conversations and I'm trying to support the teachers, but then I have this inner monologue that probably expresses my true views on the subject. So a conversation goes something like this (with my real thoughts in italics):
Teacher: Um, we had a problem with Ethan today.
Me: Oh?
(Oh, Christ Almighty, what is it now? I really don't want to deal with this today)
Teacher: Well, he's being disruptive during naptime and waking the other friends.
Me: Oh?
(Okay, first of all, they're not 'friends' unless they have established a friendship. Just because they coexist in the same space does not make them friends. I hate that this organization cheapens true friendship this way, limiting my child's ability to choose for himself who his friends are.)
Teacher: Is he giving up naps at home?
Me: Well, yes. Sort of. He'll nap for me but not for Dad and not for Grandma. He's not ready to give up his nap but he THINKS he is, and so our home will be unlivable tonight at 7 p.m.
Teacher: He was doing so well with naps for awhile there, and Mrs. ________ is sitting right next to him during naptime just like we were but it isn't helping. Oh, he is also trying to run out of the room.
Me: Oh?
(Here we go again. This is a recurring theme.)
Teacher: Yes. And it isn't because he is bored, we have plenty of things for him to do.
Me: Oh. Hmm. Well, I mean, I'm not sure what I can do about this -- seeing as how I'm not here -- other than telling him not to do it.
(Now, how do you know that? Maybe he IS bored. Maybe the activities you're providing bore him. Maybe he's curious about what's on the other side of the door. Maybe he know his classmates from last year who really ARE his friends are next door and he doesn't know anybody in THIS classroom. The last time I had a child disrupting the classroom, it turned out she was 'exceptionally gifted,' BORED with what her classmates were doing, and desperate for escape.)
Teacher: Well, that's all we can ask you to do. Oh, we also have something else to show you.
(Fabulous. When it rains, it pours.)
Teacher: Ethan, what happened to this book?
Ethan: I ripped it wif' my fingers. I took dis finger and dis finger, and I ripped it.
Teacher: Why did you do that?
Ethan: Because I wanted to read it at home.
(Well, that makes about as much sense as this entire conversation. I am not offering to pay for this book. I give so much money to this preschool, you can buy a new book.)
Teacher: This makes me sad, because I love books, and I will find some tape and we will fix it tomorrow.
Me: Yes, I think Ethan should have to fix the book.
Teacher: He was also drawing on the floor with crayons during naptime today.
Me: Oh?
(Didn't you JUST tell me not 1 minute ago that Mrs. _________ is sitting right next to him during naptime?)
Teacher: Yes, and I made him clean it up.
Me: Well, good. That's what I would expect him to do at home. Ethan, you need to apologize to your teachers for your behavior today. Tell them you're sorry. I expect better behavior from you.
[LATER, IN THE CAR]
Me: Ethan, why did you run out of the classroom?
Ethan: I didn't run out, I just opened the door.
Me: Okay, why did you open the door?
Ethan: I just wanted to see what was in the hall.
See? That's a little thing I like to call curiosity. Now. We talk about how curiosity is a GOOD thing but then we go and discipline them for it. Nice. My advice? Open your minds a little bit. See if there is another explanation for their behavior. Don't come crying to me about every little thing, because it will look like you can't handle my kids and are dwelling on the negative behaviors rather than reinforcing the positive ones. Oh, and let's just get one thing straight right now -- I do not have problem children, I have spirited children, and I'd rather have spirited children than a couple of automatons who blindly follow whatever instructions they are given.
You received training for this. Use it.
That is all.
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